Thank you masks for the freedom you have given me. Masks have played an important role in stopping the spread of Covid-19 and suppressing the number of new cases in Singapore. As we progressed through the phases of re-opening, we regain certain freedoms. Personally, I have gained a particular freedom I never knew I sought for.
I have an overbite which I have tried to hide ever since I figured in primary school that pushing my jaw outwards would hide the odd alignment of my upper and lower jaws and reduce the double chin that peeked from under my retracted lower jaw. I remember ignoring the soreness in my lower jaw as I had kept it forced outward during the entire school day and being terrified of eating in public, during which I would have to align my molars to chew and return my teeth to their original alignment. I also remember being extremely self-conscious when talking to others and making presentations in front of an audience. Growing up, my fragile confidence was no match for my rogue teeth and jaw, or the pathological fixation that would follow me into my teenage years.
However, since mask requirement went into effect in Singapore, I’ve been given a break from this crippling insecurity. I have to admit that, when wearing one in public, I thoroughly enjoy the freedom of not wondering what other people are thinking about the lower half of my face. The first time I donned a mask to NTUC, I wore an oversized black hoodie and pink Kakao Friends slides. I put my hair up in a messy bun, which appeared even messier as the Circuit Breaker gave me an excuse to forgo conditioning my stiff Asian hair. Yet, in my mask and sloppy ensemble, I felt more confident than if I had applied makeup and squeezed into a fresh pair of skinny jeans. I have since taken a liking to wearing masks.
People tell me that my mask is cute and that my pink mask totally matches my pink jacket and pink school bag. People tell me I have smiley eyes and that they can see me smile behind my mask. For the first time, people told me they liked (what’s visible of) my smile.
I happily embraced wearing a mask and I concede that some of my reasons for having done so are a reflection of my deep-rooted insecurities.
As physical activities resumed and clearance was given for certain activities to be carried out mask-free, I was admittedly a little tentative. I had grown so used to the relief and comfort that the mask brought. But wedged between anxiety and insecurity, the comfort remained. I think I am much more comfortable with myself and my face now, though no orthodontia had been done.
Perhaps it is a side effect of hearing nice things about yourself. But perhaps hearing nice things about yourself is just a side effect of finally not subconsciously shutting out the nice things about yourself. And perhaps shutting out the nice things about yourself was just a side effect of deep-seated insecurities telling you not-so-nice things about yourself. Perhaps, I do have smiley eyes and perhaps, I do have a nice smile that just has teeth that are a little bit awkward and jaws that are a little bit oddly aligned.